Last week I posted about ghosting and I have received so many calls, texts and personal messages, thank you! I decided to include more information from my previous post to give more enlightenment.
“Ghosting,” is when one member of the relationship––usually the man––disappears without explanation after a few dates.
Following are three of the possible reasons of this behavior, and my advice:
-Starting in their late twenties, many women experience tremendous pressure from their family and friends to get married or find a life partner, since being single is associated with unhappiness, vulnerability and general unattractiveness. This pressure is internalized and might become evident in the interaction with a potential partner, creating tension in the relationship and resistance to commitment on the man.
Advice: Disregard and rise above those pressures and expectations when they put you out of touch with your authentic self. From there you are going to be able to explore your potential and make your own choices, based on your strengths, preferences, and areas for growth.
-As time passes on (we are getting old, or the fertility time is reaching an end), there is often fear of “missing the boat,” and the woman might appear “desperate” to settle down, which can be a turnoff to a potential partner. He may think the woman’s interest is in finding a spouse ASAP, rather than based on real interest in him as a person.
Advice: Be true to yourself, and seek to understand and communicate what you want for your future. Be explicit about your desires. Build your life on freedom, creativity, and responsibility, rather than fear.
-Online dating often fails to give a real picture of the other person. It’s common to portray a “more attractive” image of ourselves, physically and psychologically (a good picture from some years ago, a description of our best psychological traits), which might give way to idealization by the other person. When confronted with
the real woman, the man might be afraid of not making the right choice and hesitant to move forward.
Present yourself authentically, with your unique appearance and identity, even if that makes you vulnerable in the moment.Alicia Lamberghini-West, PsyD
Photo credit: Luis Galvez
